now offering relationship advice--does the insanity know no limits?

at this blog called "zaneland"

a woman wrote in to ask for advice saying that although she could attain orgasm alone , she felt too self conscious to relax enough with her partner to attain satisfaction with him .

so i responded ...

ok , does that mean we are now dr. deskRat ? maybe oprah can stop beating our arse at kickboxing long enough to help us get a show like she did dr phil ?

anyway , here's the response :



"seems i'm always late to add my two cents of advice on these topics .

poor baby,

maybe you just need to intimately relax with your partner without any sexual activity?

meditate together in a back to back position --it will bring you closer together in spirit --which is always a good start .

then try massage --as in getting your partner to massage you --you massaging him --you covered if necessary , until you feel comfortable being touched and unclothed around your partner.

when you are SURE that you feel comfortable around your partner sans clothing and being touched by him , THEN experiment with cuddling and gently exploring each other's bodies --still with no pressure of sex --just 'getting to know you' -exploration until you both feel comfortable , familiar and secure touching each other's bodies .

when you can successfully do that try adding caressing and kissing any area of the body that either of you wishes --but still without the pressure of it having to end in sex .

when YOU are sure that you feel comfortable , naked and close and touching your partner , let him kiss and caress you until you feel aroused to the point where YOU want sex .

then , aroused , facing away from him with lights turned low , or with lights out if necessary , let him quietly hold you in his arms while you stimulate yourself to orgasm . this is a goal you gradually build to --if you can't relax enough to release while he's there do it until you get as close as you can --then excuse yourself , go finish , return and let him hold you in the afterglow.

continue 'practicing' until you feel comfortable have orgasms in his arms . after you cum , he still just holds you --if that is what you want .

when you can do this several times in a row and feel totally comfortable having orgasms while he holds you , you two will be ready for the next step .

let him hold you while HE does the touching and you do the directing . you tell him exactly how you enjoy being touched and he does the touching .

when he can stimulate you to orgasm repeatedly , without you having to say a single word , HE KNOWS YOUR SPIRIT AND HE KNOWS YOUR BODY and you two are ready for the next step .

now you two are tuned into each other in spirit and totally comfortable with and around each others bodies.

in your mind , AND THIS IS CRUCIAL , you FIRMLY associate him and his body with YOUR pleasure .

begin with the previous steps all the way up to him stimulating you to orgasm with his touch .
when your body is warmed up , so to speak , and you've had an orgasm or two just to take the edge off , THEN you can shift to him penetrating you with his penis ... even if it's just him on his back holding perfectly still , with you on top , allowing you to stimulate youself to orgasm by rotating your hips using him as your stationary vibrator --until you have built a habit of being able to orgasm from him being inside you .
when that happens --you two are home free . the sky's the limit...

enjoy...and feel free to name your first born after me

--just kidding of course about naming your kid after me"