merrily down the stream...

i am someone .who has his entire life. never quite felt at home. an illegal alien no matter. where. i roam. at times there has been only you who were there only you who understood that you made me exactly as i am and then as if in practical jest at my given chronic impracticality set your creations at odds with me -strange since you made me so odd from my very beginning choking off my normality with my own mother's umbilical rope wound around so tightly darkening the right side so much deeper than all the rest of infant me foreshadowing what i would grow to be and i was loved and held .kissed and fed. nourished not once but three times and eras in my life-each experience folding dovetailing becoming the next foundation blended into the newest floor of edifications story of mind unfolding into story mine is long deep and old as time before fire as old as we discovering that we could remember our birth and death and rebirthdayof death into life's first dawning in us of the oddity of thinking self awareness of that i am aware of my difference -of the other animal's nakedness and now my own too yesterday gave me today as a thing in my mind gave me tomorrow the burden of time nothing but an awareness a consciousness that some things change without moving forward but did that awareness come from my source must be the source of these awarenesses but if i see the source then also the Optic line must see see an end and now there is the awareness of flooding sadness of the impending sadness held within the memory of my own doom again as i know i know that this life don't last winding down the wind up and the pitch swung on and missed too bad after two called strikes against you by the ump with his devilish smiling sense of humor in who i'm left in a righthander's world to confide that you my greater other half are my only friend you guide and give me all that i know but that you already know because it was already you long ago who created me to be the man that i am the son of a woman and man so glowingly bright for only so briefly a moment...sobeit...i accept except that i am only a mere fragment of a shadow of you and yet i know that this game you made i willsomehowwin.